HELP, YOU GUYS!

Do you guys offer mental help as well? Because I, uh, know a few people that... could... need it. Yeah.

Help) I need somebody
(Help) Not just anybody
(Help) You know I need someone
(Help)

When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody's help in any way
But now these days are gone
I'm not so self assured
Now I find I've changed my mind
I've opened up the doors

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me

And now my life has changed in oh, so many ways
My independence seems to vanish in the haze
But every now and then I feel so insecure
I know that I just need you like
I've never done before

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me

When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody's help in any way
But now these days are gone
I'm not so self assured
Now I find I've changed my mind
I've opened up the doors

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oooo

HOW MAY I HELP YOU?

Is that, like, this site's "How May I Help You"-riff? Except that it's not a riff?

Yes. That's what we reply with if someone needs help (but next time, we'll add a parenthesis).

So... you only reply with that, but not with any actual help?

No, that's just our intro. Didn't you see what is written at the end of the post? It says:
HOW MAY I HELP YOU?

But we should really change that to "we". But yeah, you're mental and should be put in a halfway house. Forcefully. That's my advice.

Aaaanyway. How may WE help you?

I just helped him! Don't undermine my authoritah!

You have a great sense of humor, Bob. Seriouslah.

I know. But why are you writing that now? This is a very serious thread! It's about helping other people!

Yes, I'm most fully aware of that (that was a nice sentence). And I appreciate your advice, but who is gonna forcefully put me into a halfway house? I can't do it myself.

I think we should hire James to do it. Definitely.

I have this.... friend.... who's got an intimate problem? What would you rrrrrecomend?

A meat-cleaver and a box of donuts.